August 2011


Me completing the marathon. Note the appearance of barely-visible 'Marathon Man' in background; a lycra-clad 'superhero' who nearly beat me home.

In a good news/good news scenario, I completed my first marathon yesterday (28 August) while also not tweeting during it.

While I’ll return to the metaphysics of what completing a marathon means to and/or for me another time, this post will preserve the tweets I would have made had I been tweeting. Think of it as a retrospective live Twitter timeline, or in my new concept word, ‘mind tweets’: tweets you make in your mind but which never hit the internet. Until now.

(All times approximate)

0200: awake already? oh boy #adrenalin #pumping

0400: still awake? #sleep #fail

0500: out of bed. marathon prep

0645: race start. it’s only 14km, 3 times. let’s go! #gameface #on

0750: first 12km down. Feeling good.

0835: halfway. on pace for a good time. still feeling OK.

0900: slowing down. tightening up. engaging ‘body maintenance’ mode.

0914: disengaging ‘body maintenance’ mode

0914 (ii): engaging ‘body self-destruct’ mode

0915: 14km to go. first leg cramp recorded. could I hop to finish line? #no

0930: oh dear. #multiple #legcramps  #ABORT #ABORT

0945: used passing drink station to imbibe metaphorical cups of concrete – still LONG way to go

1000: #pain

1015: cut-and-paste is just the best. #pain #pain #pain #pain #pain #pain

1030: 2km to go

1039: 1km to go

1049: Done! Jelly legs. Dizzy. Teeth throbbing. But done.

Blind Justice How hard is it to name TV movies?

Not hard, I thought: after all, I’ve carried around a primer in my head for years.

The rough rule-of-thumb: they’re two words long, with a suggestive/emotive adjective followed by an equally emotive/suggestive noun.

All you have to do is pick one adjective, and one noun, and voila: your straight-to-TV movie is now titled!

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Suggestive/emotive adjective Equally emotive/suggestive noun
Blind Fate
Dark Justice
Cruel Truth

IMDB, and ye shall find

I didn’t want to take my word for it that there are actually movies with these titles (it just feels like there should be).

I turned to IMDB for answers: how many out of these 9 would actually exist?

Blind Fate

Hmmm: A Polish crapfest featuring someone portraying Chuck Norris as a spiritual guru? Not a good start. (0/1)

Blind Justice

Paydirt: A 1994 Elisabeth Shue vehicle, plus a young Jack Black. (1/2)

Blind Truth

No good – although 2007’s Blind Trust shows up. (1/3)

Dark Fate

Just one link, to an unheard-of Oz movie which had the US promotional title of ‘Alone in the Dark: Fate of Existence’. (1/4)

Dark Justice

Featuring the fifth of the four Baldwin brothers, Rideaux Baldwin, this looks promising. Plus there’s a 1991 TV series. I’m taking it. (2/5)

Dark Truth

Can I interest you in 2007’s Darkness of Truth or the forthcoming Dark Truths? Of course I can. (3/6)

Cruel Fate

Nope. This is a bridge too far. (3/7)

Cruel Justice

Just the one entry, and it’s a beauty: 1999 TV movie featuring no-one heard of before or since. (4/8)

Cruel Truth

Another solo entry: but to a 1927 movie seen by, um, few. (4/9)

Naming Unconventions

So it’s a strike rate of less of than 50 percent. Luckily for me, there’s a movie title which perfectly captures my movie-titling ability: Epic Fail.